Editor's Note: Watch it on YouTube for chapterised segments.
This Founding Fuel Conversation is not about ageing as decline. Nor is it about dramatic reinvention. It begins from a quieter, more personal place: that moment when familiar markers of success—titles, momentum, accumulation—no longer quite answer the question, What now?
Many accomplished professionals find themselves here. Still capable. Still curious. But sensing that the next phase of life may call for something different.
The dialogue brings together
-
Chip Conley, founder and executive chairman of Modern Elder Academy (MEA) and New York Times bestselling author, who has articulated the idea of “modern elderhood”, and
-
Neeraj Sagar, founder and CEO of WisdomCircle, who grounds these questions in lived Indian and global contexts of work, retirement, and purpose.
Moderated by Vijay Bhat, founder Roots & Wings and contributor. Founding Fuel, the conversation frames life’s “second arc” not as a problem to solve, but as a transition to be inhabited—with curiosity, humility, and generosity.
At its heart is a simple but demanding shift: moving from building the self to offering who we have become.
In the lead-up to the conversation, a pulse poll with members of the Founding Fuel community revealed the uncertainty, tension and quiet hope that often accompany this in-between phase of life. The slides below capture how this transition is being experienced—right now.
[By NS Ramnath]
Key Takeaways from the Conversation
1. We are trained to acquire, not to let go
The first arc is an arc of addition: credentials, roles, status, identity. The second arc demands the opposite skill—letting go. Yet most societies do not teach this transition, leaving individuals to navigate it without maps.
Letting go is difficult precisely because acquisition has been rewarded for so long. Meaning, when it emerges, shifts language from achievement to presence, contribution, and service.
2. The second arc announces itself quietly
“People are not anxious about ageing. They are anxious about who they are becoming.” - Vijay Bhat, quoting from the poll.
“You start to realise that time is both an enemy and a friend—you realise there’s only so much time left. And you also realise time is the most valuable asset. How am I going to curate the second half of my adulthood?” - Chip Conley
For many, the transition is not triggered by failure, burnout, or crisis. It arrives as an inner dissonance—being “externally successful but internally unfinished.” There is just a growing awareness that the first arc’s success script no longer fits.
Preparedness for this phase, the survey revealed, is uneven and rarely financial. It is emotional, psychological, even spiritual—and deeply personal.
This era from 45 to early 50s is really the low point of life satisfaction. This is also when time starts to become both an ally and a foe.
3. Success can become a disguise
“Success is a drug. At some point, you have to decide whether you’re living by a script you inherited—or one you wrote yourself.” - Chip
Chip Conley introduces the idea of successism: a cultural condition where identity and worth are shaped by inherited definitions of success. Midlife often becomes the moment when one realises their definition of success is different. When you begin to write your own success script, that’s when many people learn how to become happier. It allows agency and satisfaction to return in the second half of adulthood.
4. Modern elderhood is not about age—it is about orientation
“A modern elder is someone who is as curious as they are wise” - Chip
Chip Conley talks about how he learnt this term when the founders of Airbnb asked him to join them 13 years ago. He was 52 and the average age in the company was 26. The founders said, “You're our modern elder. We hired you for your knowledge, but what you really brought was your wisdom.”
The “modern elder” is not defined by age but by a particular alchemy: wisdom combined with curiosity. In practice, this means being both mentor and intern—offering experience while remaining open to learning.
5. Cultural cues matter—but the questions are universal
“In vanaprastha, the third lifestage, you are done with your student stage and your householder responsibility. Now there is something deeper; you start giving to society in a much more structured way.” - Neeraj Sagar
Neeraj Sagar highlights how cultures signal the second arc differently: through retirement language, family roles, social rituals, or subtle shifts in how one is addressed. While these markers vary across societies, the underlying question—what now?—is universal.
In the Indian context, traditional ideas like vanaprastha suggest a move toward giving and generativity, though modern life has blurred clear lifestage boundaries. In his modern definition, vanaprastha is active participation in society and the community.
6. Men and women carry different anxieties into the second arc
“Ego still sits a lot with the men. Women let it go sooner.” - Neeraj
Broad patterns emerge: men often struggle with the fear of irrelevance, women with the fear of invisibility. Women, however, frequently transition with greater emotional resilience, supported by stronger social networks and a greater willingness to release ego.
Men often find their friendship muscle is atrophying. They're so busy in their 20s, 30s, and 40s that when they get to their 50s, they suddenly feel irrelevant—there's nobody around and they feel lost.
7. Transition is the “messy middle”. It requires inner work—a shift in identity, not just new priorities
“In my own journey post-cancer, I realised that to truly heal, I needed to deconstruct and reconstruct my identity, and not just my lifestyle…
When I sold my company at age 50, I felt wounded. It was the recession and the company was struggling…. I had to get to the place where I was willing to let go of being a VIP, a very important person to being a PIP, a previously important person, and be open to having my ego rightsized…. At Airbnb, I realised I'm not the CEO… My definition of success was not seeing my name in the paper; it was to help [the founders] become great leaders.” - Chip
Shifting into the second arc is not merely about changing goals—it involves reconstructing identity. This inner work is rarely cognitive or linear; it unfolds in what is described as the “messy middle” between an ending and a beginning.
Listening inward—often neglected in performance-driven cultures—becomes essential. Ignored too long, inner dissonance shows up emotionally or even physically.
8. Living longer is not the same as living deeper
“The world is solving for us to live longer. What will we do if we live longer? It comes down to purpose and what do you want to live long for.” - Neeraj
“We are very good at measuring physical health. Emotional health is a little harder but we have words for it—’sad, happy’. But we have no words or scores for spiritual health—the inner journey of who you are… The inner journey is quite important because there are markers that may show up emotionally and ultimately physically….
“The question is no longer how long we live, but how deeply—and how usefully.” - Chip
The conversation questions the modern obsession with longevity. The real challenge is not extending lifespan, but deepening healthspan and meaning.
What the world needs, the speakers argue, is not just lifelong learning, but long-life learning: understanding how to live a life that’s as deep and meaningful as it is long.
9. Practice friendship
“Who you surround yourself with—your support system—allows you to discover your inner self and get on the journey faster.” - Neeraj
“Think of friendship as a practice. Healthy social relationships are the number one variable associated with living a longer, healthier, happier life.” - Chip
“To quote Mary Oliver, ‘Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life.’” - Vijay
Books Mentioned in This Conversation
The Anatomy of a Transition ebook: On how to build their transitional intelligence: MEA
